Edging is the practice of stopping yourself from reaching orgasm right when you’re on the cusp — the metaphorical “edge” right before you fall off the cliff into sexual climax.
Essentially, this means stopping sexual stimulation before you come, waiting about 30 seconds, and then stimulating yourself again, repeating until you’re ready to orgasm.
The edging technique can be used either during masturbation or foreplay with a partner, by both sexes, and can be a particularly effective technique in delaying orgasm for guys who suffer from premature ejaculation.
So, why do it?
- The increased blood flow makes the genitals even more sensitive, which in turn makes for a more intense orgasm.
- It can spice up masturbation and allows you to get maximum pleasure while seeing your mental strength.
- Unlike many other BDSM practices, it doesn’t involve the world of pain play but still offers the power dynamic that is such an integral part of kink.
- It can make you more keenly aware of your own sexual responses both solo and with a partner, bringing mindfulness into the bedroom.
What You Need to Know Before Starting
When it comes to edging, you’ll be learning about the four stages of arousal. Knowing these can help you narrow down when to stop and start the stimulation, but remember it’s not a ‘one size fits all’:
- Excitement. Your skin starts to flush, your muscles get tense, your heartbeat gets faster, blood starts to flow quickly down to your genitals.
- Plateau. Everything that happened in stage 1 gets even more intense. You feel yourself drawing closer and closer to orgasm. This is the stage where you should get ready to stop or slow down stimulation.
- Orgasm. A series of nerve and muscle responses occur, resulting in a feeling of ecstasy. But when you’re practicing edging, this is the stage you’re trying to avoid until ready.
- Resolution. After orgasm, tissues return to their non-aroused sizes and colors, and all your vitals normalize, too. This is also when the refractory period starts – it’s a temporary stretch of time where you can’t get aroused again. It can last for a few minutes up to a few days or longer.
Three Ways to Try Edging
- The Stop-Start Method: while masturbating, experiment with different rhythms of stimulation, breathing techniques, and body movements and learn about your arousal cycle. Take your hands away or slow down your movements when you feel like you’re about to come. After your break, start again and allow yourself to reach orgasm. You might notice your orgasms last longer or feels more intense!
- The Squeeze Method: this is for men – right before you orgasm, squeeze the head of your penis to stop your orgasm. Wait 30 seconds, then start again.
- Tease and Denial: once you master the edging technique in your masturbation practice, you can bring all of this self-knowledge to your lover. Communication is key. Can your partner feel the tiny contractions of the pelvic muscles that precede orgasm? Can hear their breath changing? Playing with maintaining arousal with a partner can be a great way to learn about one another, discover new techniques and learn to pay attention and communicate with both precision and passion.
When to Stop Edging?
It’s up to you! If you’re edging solo, feel free to let yourself orgasm whenever you feel ready.
If you’re edging with a partner, listen to them. Communicate with them. Talk to each other or come up with some other kind of sign or safeword so you both know when you’re ready to come. Listening is the key here.
Also, be mindful of whether delaying your orgasm might lead to something called a half or disappearing orgasm. When this happens, you may not feel the full-body effects of orgasm, like vaginal contractions, or feel like you’re getting right to the edge but never actually reach orgasm, even when you’re ready.