Thanks to ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ we are seeing an increase in BDSM. This has led to an increase in the amount of accidents happening in the bedroom; from nerve damage to broken bones. This is likely to be linked to the lack of care and knowledge of the equipment used and the individual they are tying.
This is not to discourage you from fulfilling your kinkiest wishes! However, if you are ready to embark on the journey of bondage, domination, submission, sado-masochism, and all combinations therein, there are some important steps to take to make sure that everybody’s OK and gets our safe and happy. The number one rule and motto of healthy BDSM is “safe, sane and consensual” — so know the risks, be safe, and don’t panic.
Educate Yourself
The risk of accidents will be drastically reduced if you read up about what you’re doing beforehand. Particularly if it involves aspects of pain, edge play, asphyxiation, and knots. This is not the time to start improvising. You can start small and adjust things according to your and your partner’s enjoyment, but don’t aim too big too fast and don’t try anything on a whim just because you saw it once.
If There’s a Problem, Stop Immediately
Yes, this might sound like common sense, but you’d be surprised how often this is ignored. The second the safe word happens, even if it’s not for reasons of accidental pain or distress, play stops: this is a fundamental part of BDSM practice. Take off all blindfolds, bondage, turn on the lights, and pull your pants back on.
Accidents Are Not The Norm
It’s surprising the amount of people who take severe injuries as a standard norm, and consider it part of the BDSM experience. Of course, accidents can happen, we are only human after all. However, these accidents should be few and far between and not seen as part of the package. With proper information and advice, the risk of injury will drastically decrease.
Take your time to familiarise yourself with your toys and maintain a strong connection with your partner throughout the experience. If you’re the one who is being tied up; it shouldn’t be more than a little uncomfortable – and don’t be afraid to communicate your pain to your partner when it gets too much.
It’s All About Communication
Self-awareness and speaking up and letting your partner know if they have hurt you is key to a strong and sexy BDSM relationship. If you’re the partner helping the situation, keep checking the vulnerable person’s mental state, and what you can do to make them feel comfortable and safe. If you’re the one who’s been stuck or hurt, or you both are, be open about what you need and what might make you feel better, and be honest about what the pain is.
Before and after each session; discuss your pain threshold, what you enjoyed during the last session, what could be improved upon, re-establish safe words – don’t be afraid to tell your partner that they’re not pleasing you. Without being honest, how can you hope to improve?
If every sub spoke up and refused to be tied by those who repeatedly cause discomfort or someone who is unwilling to learn and is dangerous, think how much the standard would improve. Don’t struggle or start getting angry and finding fault; you need to solve the problem first.
Who Is Being Blamed?
Almost all the injuries sustained will happen to the bottom – but does that necessarily mean it’s the bottom’s fault? Too often, the bottom is blamed for being susceptible, for being at the wrong place at the wrong time, for not warming up, or just not being vocal enough. Although the last point may be valid, it’s the responsibility of the other partner to monitor the bottom’s body language to gauge whether or not they’re enjoying themselves or need a break.
If you are repeatedly hit with nerve injuries, it is very likely that that cause is not you. You might want to examine why and how they are occurring, and you might want to look at the person/people who you allow to tie you.
Even if your partner is a complete beginner, lack of knowledge is no excuse. There are hundreds of blog, articles, and websites dedicated to providing beginner’s guides and advice. They should be researching vulnerable areas and doing their best to avoid them before indulging in something like suspension, which increases the risk of broken bones and nerve damage.